Sometime last summer after I’d finished reviewing the njoy line of sex toys, especially after reviewing the njoy Pure Plugs, I started receiving emails from people who had either read my reviews or my blog asking me about anal sex, and I realized at the time that anal sex was probably one of the most misunderstood sexual activities that people do with one another, so I wrote a piece on anal sex and my own experiences with doing it that I’d like to bring back and repost.

Many of the emails I received asked questions like this:

“Doesn’t it hurt?”

“I’ve always wanted to try it but I’m afraid it will hurt.”

And my favorite question,

“You really like that?”

What I took from each of these emails sent by my readers was a deep and profound curiosity about anal sex and anal stimulation, so I felt it incumbent to try and answer some of the most common questions about a somewhat misunderstood sexual activity.

The simple answer from me is yes. Yes, I like anal sex. It isn’t always my first choice, and I wouldn’t consider myself a connoisseur of all things anal, but it is a part of my sex life, and when done right, it can be and is an amazingly pleasurable experience. I decided to spend some time and do the research about this topic, and hopefully that coupled with my own firsthand experience will shed some light on that darkest of dark places; Your anus.

It still amazes me that as a society there is still such a taboo associated with anal sex. In late 2003 the U.S. Supreme court struck down so called ‘sodomy laws’ which criminalized what was considered deviant sex. These laws were primarily aimed at homosexuals, and in some states, if you were charged with sodomy you could wind up facing a stiff fine and a lengthy prison sentence. (In Idaho you could be sentenced to 15 years in prison for Sodomy prior to 2003).

Still, it is not without a degree of sensitivity that I consider that many people, especially straight people, associate anal sex with some kind of eternal damnation which could land them in the pits of Hell for all eternity. All that considered, many of these very same people are the ones who are the most curious about anal exploration, and that curiosity must be satisfied, and their questions should be answered.

According to sexual health experts and researchers who get paid to study this kind of thing, pain and mess are the two biggest reasons people cite as obstacles to exploring anal play.

Anal sex can be extremely painful if not done right. To achieve maximum pleasure from either anal intercourse or stimulation with either fingers or toys, the receiving partner first needs to be in the mood, be relaxed enough, and aroused enough to enjoy the experience. This may sound simple, but all of these factors contribute to successful experiences, here’s why:

The first has to do with your anatomy. The muscle groups around your anus are called the sphincters and they surround the anal opening. What you may not realize is that there are two of these muscle groups, and they function independently of each other. The first you can control. You can flex it, relax it, and squeeze it all day long. The second (located a little deeper inside), is completely involuntary. It responds to stimulation and signals from your central nervous system, and is the muscle group which is responsible for the associations of pain with anal sex. You also must remember, your ass was not designed to be violated this way, so proper stimulation and conditioning of this second sphincter muscle is absolutely essential for good experiences.

Repeated stimulation of this internal sphincter will help teach you how to control it and cause it to collapse and expand. This takes time. Many beginners have had horrible experiences because they didn’t take the time to ease into anal stimulation and tried to shove something huge inside their ass the first time. (Yes, a cock would be considered huge to a virgin ass.) Experts recommend using your finger to become familiar with your sphincter muscles, or a small toy which will teach you how to relax the involuntary muscles at will. Again, this takes time and practice, and you should only try to push further after you’ve mastered this.

The second point of having to do with mood and arousal also play against the issues with your anatomy. If not properly aroused, your body tends to respond to this kind of invasion by involuntarily contracting the muscles around your anus and tensing up. It’s almost common sense but it bears mentioning – like any sexual activity, if your partner or the receiver of anal stimulation isn’t properly aroused, they aren’t going to relax and enjoy the experience. Many sexual health experts suggest building up arousal through touching, stroking, and inserting your finger into your or your partner’s ass to help stimulate and relax in preparation for more.

What about the mess? This subject I found was bit more contested. In my own experience, I have never required the use of an enema to clean myself out. The issue I found with many commercial or drugstore enemas (like Fleet) is that they contain salt water, which can irritate the lining of your ass, and a sore ass isn’t an ass that wants to be touched, fingered, or fucked. If you’re healthy and have regular bowel movements, you’re not likely going to require an enema, OR if you really feel the need to clean out, dump out the salt water and use warm clean fresh water. The other issue with enemas is cramping, which if excessive, can kill any mood you might have going on, so I would leave that up to you.

Hygiene is another very real concern. It would be wise to be clean, meaning a shower, or at least use some hypoallergenic wipes to clean yourself; but you should also understand that your ass is loaded with bacteria, and it isn’t a good idea to stick your finger or anything else you might think of anywhere else after it’s been in your ass. In plain language, don’t put your cock in your girl’s pussy or mouth after it’s been in her ass. While it may look hot in the porno flicks, it’s stupid and dangerous to do in real life. There are serious health risks to doing this, and it isn’t worth a few moments of eroticism. I also always recommend using condoms for anal intercourse. A simple latex condom offers you both loads of protection and won’t force you to take a break in the action should you wish to continue playing with each other. I would also recommend using condoms on your dildos if you plan to use them in your ass. Many dildos are porous and can become hosts for bacteria which can make them unpleasant and unusable for anything else.

Unlike the vagina, your ass and rectum do not produce sufficient lubrication for sexual activity. You will require a commercial lubricant. There are many good products available, and I recommend water based products such as KY Jelly, Astro-Glide, pjur woman bodyglide, or the Doc Johnson’s Anal Lube. Out of all these products, I’ve found the Doc Johnson’s to have a bit thicker consistency which seems to work better.

There is also some debate about correct positions. Many associate anal sex with the classic doggie style position. I have found for myself that a variant of the missionary position, or spooning works very well for anal sex. I would suggest that beginners try something like these first before graduating to something more advanced. There are a number of resources online which discuss different positions in greater detail, but these are what have worked best for me.

Anal sex and anal play can be extremely pleasurable experiences. For men, it can stimulate the prostate gland, and for women, the anus shares a wall with the vagina and can produce intense stimulation, sometimes leading to orgasm. If done correctly anal play can become an exciting component to any healthy sex life. As I wrote in my review of the njoy Pure Plugs, I used my toys to indulge my own double penetration fantasies, which psychologically, helped me to reach amazing intense orgasms.

Healthy sexuality requires and demands good communication with your partners, and that’s been a common thread in all of my reviews and articles about sexuality, good communication. Once again, I make that same statement; communicate. Because of how our bodies are designed, you should never force anal play, or more anal play than your partner is ready for on them, or unexpectedly. This is an activity which can be enjoyed and pleasurable, but should be respected and should be done slowly.