Red Sox Nation Steps Back Off The Bridge
As members of Red Sox Nation metaphorically collected ourselves on the edge of the Tobin Bridge, ready and waiting to jump if the Sox lost game five of the ALCS series to the Cleveland Indians at The Jake last night, big-time ball-game pitcher — and major league hottie — Josh Beckett led Boston to a stellar 7-1 victory which forces the series back to The Fens for game six on Saturday, and hopefully a game seven on Boston’s way to the World Series.
The Indians now have a three game to two lead over the Sox, but if any team in baseball is capable of mounting a stunning come from behind post-season victory, it’s the Boston Red Sox.
I’m so excited I can’t even stand it! We’re going up to Boston on Saturday night to repeat our playoff game-night ritual for the fourth time now, and hopefully the Red Sox will repeat some post season magic!
The other big baseball news is that New York Yankees manager Joe Torre is all done in pinstripes. We’ll miss Joe in Red Sox Nation. He was a worthy adversary, but his era of mystique and aura had been long over for more than a couple of seasons. It will be interesting to see who the Yankees can convince to step into that dysfunctional family.
Photo: Tony Dejak/AP
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#72: And We Assume They’re Too Young to Understand
A third grade teacher collected well known Proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. Their youthful insight may surprise you.
Better to be safe than…
…punch a 5th grader.
Strike while the…
…bug is close.
It’s always darkest before…
…Daylight Savings Time.
Never underestimate the power of…
…termites.
You can lead a horse to water but…
…how?
Don’t bite the hand that…
…looks dirty.
No news is…
…impossible.
A miss is as good as a…
…Mr.
You can’t teach an old dog new…
…math.
If you lie down with dogs, you’ll…
…stink in the morning.
Love all, trust…
…me.
The pen is mightier than the…
…pigs.
An idle mind is…
…the best way to relax.
Where there’s smoke there’s…
…pollution.
Happy the bride who…
…gets all the presents.
A penny saved is…
…not much.
Two’s company, three’s…
…the Musketeers.
Don’t put off till tomorrow what…
…you put on to go to bed.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and you…
…have to blow our nose.
There are none so blind as…
…Stevie Wonder.
Children should be seen and not…
…spanked or grounded.
If at first you don’t succeed…
…get new batteries.
You get out of something only what you…
…see in the picture on the box.
When the blind leadeth the blind…
…get out of the way.
Better late than…
…pregnant.
and . . . .
#194: The Best Fruitcake Recipe EVER
1 cup Butter
1 cup Sugar
4 large Eggs
1 cup Dried Fruit
1 teaspoon Baking Powder
1 teaspoon Baking Soda
1 tablespoon Lemon Juice
1 cup Brown Sugar
1 cup Nuts
1 or 2 quarts Aged Whiskey
Before you start, sample the whiskey to check for quality. Make sure its taste is not “off.”
Check the whiskey again, as it must be just right. To be sure the whiskey is of the highest quality, pour 1 level cup into a glass and drink it quickly. Repeat.
With an eclectic mixer, beat 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar and beat the hell out of it again.
Meanwhile, at this parsnicular point in time, wake sure that the whixey hasn’t gone bad while you weren’t lookin.’ Open second quart if nestessary.
Add 2 large leggs, 2 cups fried druit and beat til high. If druit gets shtuck in peaters, just pry the monsters loosh with a drewscriver.
Example the whikstey again, shecking confistancy. Then shift 2 cups of salt or destergent or whatever, like anyone gives a shit. Chample the whitchey shum more. Shift in shum lemon zhoosh. Fold in chopped sputter and shrained nuts.
Add 100 babbelspoons of brown booger or whushever’s closhest and mix well. Greash ubben and turn the cakey pan to 350 degrees. Now pour the whole pissin’ mesh into the washin’ machine and set on sinsh shycle. Check dat whixney wunsh more and pash ou.
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