Love is the vital essence that pervades and permeates, from the center to the circumference, the graduating circles of all thought and action. Love is the talisman of human weal and woe–the open sesame to every soul.
– Elizabeth Cady Stanton

The natural order of the universe is balance; for every force there is an equal opposing force, and it is in this struggle where we discover the birth of existence and of human consciousness. Our reality is defined by these opposite principles; male and female, darkness and light, dominance and submission, and perhaps the most succinct representation of universal order is the philosophy and symbol of Yin and Yang.

The outer circumfrence represents the unity of the universe, whereas the light and dark shapes represent the aspects of Yin and Yang. One does not exist without the other, each needing the power of the other in order to achieve balance and harmony. It is a circle where one is always chasing - one is always running, always opposing one another in the unbroken circle.

Yin represents the female principle of nature, femininity, darkness, the moon, water, earth, submissive – woman.

Yang represents the male principle of nature, masculinity, light, the sun, fire, heaven, dominance – man.

And in this circle, this balance of Yin and Yang… I have found the meaning of love and life. I do not exist without the Yang of my husband, and perhaps… he does not exist without the Yin of his wife.

Things have begun to settle down in my world. These last few weeks have pushed me to the brink of emotional insanity. I do not have words of thanks enough for those who have left comments or who have emailed me privately with well wishes and words of support and encouragement. I’m truly grateful and humbled by such overwhelming kindness and generosity.

My mother-in-law was good enough to take my son to the hotel she’s staying at this weekend so I could get a little break. She flies home on Tuesday which should help things get back to normal in my house. I know she means well, but she tends to hover over my husband which isn’t something that goes over well with him! Lisa came and stayed with me Friday night so I’d have some company. The painkillers Jeff is taking tend to knock him out for hours at a time, so it was nice to be able to just breathe a sigh of relief and finally purge all of the emotions I’ve kept bottled up inside me while all of this was going on.

Sunday was kind of a rough day for him tho. I know that he has to get up and walk to help the healing, but he’s kind of being a baby about the whole thing, and I can’t bring myself to nag him to get out of bed, even tho that’s exactly what I have to do.

“Hey sleepy…” I said as I opened the bedroom door. “You awake?”

“Yeah…”

“Are you going to get up today?”

“No.”

“Jeff…”

“What… I don’t feel good!” he growled back at me.

“You have to get up and walk around!”

“Yeah… yeah… yeah… later.”

“No… not later. Now!”

“Oh for fuck’s sake nina!”

This wasn’t going as well as I’d planned. I can’t say that I wasn’t surprised, but I wasn’t about to give up so easily either.

“Are you hungry?” I said, hoping that this approach might work.

“No… not really.”

“Are you in pain?”

“Yeah… a little…”

“Do you need a pill?”

“I need a fucking morphine pump and an eight ball…”

“Um… well… that’s not going to happen.”

“Yeah no kidding.”

“Well what’s it going to take to get you out of bed then?”

He laid there and thought about it for a moment.

“A blowjob?”

“Mmmm… yeah well, you need a shower honey…”

He started laughing.

“Oh… it’s like that huh?”

“Jeff… I would love nothing more than to give you a blowjob, but you’ve got to get up and move around and if I give you a blowjob you’re just going to go back to sleep when you’re done and you won’t get up… so no… you can’t have a blowjob.”

“Evil bitch.”

Now I was laughing.

“Oh yeah right… I’m evil? That’s a laugh! I’ve been sleeping in the guest room for nearly a week so you can be comfortable… I can’t stand it but I’m doing it anyway… and all I want is to feel you inside me and that’s not going to happen if you don’t get out of bed!” I teased as I slapped him on his arm, “Now get up!”

“Is that true?”

“What? Yeah it’s true…of course it’s true…”

“You could get on…”

“What? Now?”

“Yeah…”

“I don’t want to hurt your incision…”

“Nina… you weigh like 110 pounds… just get on. Here, my cock is almost ready…” he said as he pulled off his boxers and tossed off the blankets, “See? Come on baby… it’ll be fine.”

I smiled and started pulling off my jeans as I crawled into bed with him, “What if I hurt you and something happens?” I asked as I carefully climbed over and straddled him.

“Just dial 911… will you stop it already and just get on?” he laughed.

“Okay. Wait… will you get up after?”

“Shhh… come on baby… don’t spoil the mood here okay? And don’t be expecting any superman moves either… and this probably isn’t going to last long… so just get on and we’ll figure it out…”

“This is a bad idea…”

“Is that your wet pussy my cock just slid into?”

“Huh… um… yeah….” I sighed as I bit my lip and slid down. “I’ll go slow okay?”

“Works for me…”

I closed my eyes and just rested myself on his hips with his cock buried all the way inside me; lost in the emotions, the feelings of completion, of just feeling him inside me. Quietly moving back and forth, tears streaming down my face as all my fears came rushing back and collided with the safe sanctuary of unity.

When we were done I just laid next to him and rested my head on his chest and wept. “I love you Jeff… I can’t… I’m sorry…”

“I love you too… what are you sorry for?”

“I’m crying like a baby…”

“Shhh… it’s okay…” he said as he stroked my hair.

“I just… I just don’t know how I could go on without you… I was so afraid Jeff…”

“I know… shhh… its okay… I’m not going anywhere.”

I got up and wiped my face and turned towards him, and leaned down to kiss him.

“Now get your ass out of bed damnit!”

“Fuck. You really are evil…”

“Yeah well… I want sex again… so get up.”

Sometimes I think Jeff and I work so well because we just compliment each other so completely. Like the Yin and Yang, we exist in a perpetual state of struggling to find balance, but for a few moments on a late Sunday afternoon… we found it together.

Yin Yang photo courtesy Adam Albrec