As if guys really needed another reason to play with themselves…
Sent to me by the heir-apparent to the Playboy Mansion Lazy Ichi; some guy with a blog who calls himself M2ATK writes here that a Japanese doctor claims that masturbation is the surest way to lose those extra pounds. Calling it ‘adiposity’ – an SAT worthy vocabulary word which means ‘the state of being fat’ – the good doctor says that men who engage in regular/habitual auto-erotic stimulation and release (to the tune of more than 100 times per month for the basic plan – five times a day for guaranteed results) will burn more calories than having actual sex with like, a real girl. Happy endings indeed?
But my question is – wouldn’t it, you know… get sore after a while? 
All things considered; as a married woman, as a writer who often tests/uses/reviews the latest and greatest sex toys, and as a chick who knows how her own girlparts work and who has a very healthy and active sex life – I’m almost tempted to show this to my husband.
Do you want to know what the strangest feeling in the world really is? It’s when you’re laying bed, almost asleep, and all of a sudden you feel the bed start shaking. Not a lot – but just enough to let you know that your man is engaging in a little semi-private self love behind your back. He probably thinks you’re asleep – but if you really want to be clever you roll over just as he’s getting close so he immediately stops what he’s doing! :lol:
I know – what a cruel bitch I am. Hey, it’s marriage! :razz:
Tho it actually is a bit of a balancing act. I mean, everybody needs to masturbate – and just because he’s decided to take care of this all on his own and not bother waking me up and getting me all unexpectedly hot and bothered in the middle of the night — because there’s no chance in the world that I might be in the mood too, right? … is no reason whatsoever to interrupt what he’s got going on over there on the other side of the tempur-pedic. But like any good wife does – I’ve on more than one occasion told him to ‘just stick it in’ and not to worry about the foreplay – I’ve got to get up in the morning.
And actually, sometimes those are the most tender moments of lovemaking. Could anything describe the phrase better? I don’t think so.
But now – the next time I feel the bed shaking in the middle of the night, I’ll know that he’s just trying to stay in shape!
Enjoy your Saturday — I’m going shopping. Lots of lists and lots of errands to run today.
Oh – and thank you to those who have sent me links and interesting articles! Please keep them coming!
113directions
wrote on 12 April 2008 at 13:29
This explains my husband’s recent weight loss! And I thought it was all that walking he was doing… ;)
2nina aoki
wrote on 12 April 2008 at 15:52
13directions -
lmao! What is it they say about guys who do it too much? Hairy Palms? :lol:
nina
3larokkaku
wrote on 12 April 2008 at 17:38
This sounds more like a simple fluid loss formula to me:
100×1 ounce = about 6 lbs. right there (though one would have to allow for “diminishing returns”).
A fella might do just as well expectorating more often.
Or using leeches.
4Matt Algren
wrote on 12 April 2008 at 20:12
larokkaku,
An ounce?!?
Your gentleman friend may want to see a physician about that.
5nina aoki
wrote on 12 April 2008 at 20:20
larokkaku,
Fluid loss huh?
eeww!
I’ve just become completely grossed out by my own topic! How did this ever happen? :lol:
nina
6Anastasia
wrote on 13 April 2008 at 8:35
lol, using calories at all hours. If only I had the energy to do similar. I’d burn all the donuts I had this week (and the Portuguese custard tarts)
7Lazy Ichi
wrote on 13 April 2008 at 9:08
I’ll be honest, I didn’t see the article until you mentioned it. I was admiring the (CG ?) picture.
So, I had to go back and read the article. Someone should have a talk with the nice doctor guy and tell him that pussy is the killer app, ok.
As fas as Hef, we’re looking to around for a place to store him, maybe the Sex Museum in NYC, or maybe the Smithsonian. It’s hard to find a place for relics that are still breathing. I think the steady diet of viagra has started to make rigor mortis set in all over his body.
8nina aoki
wrote on 13 April 2008 at 10:22
Hi Ana,
lmao! You know what’s really funny here right? It’s that guys will masturbate anywhere - regardless of whether or not we’re in bed next to them. Their dick gets hard and they’re compelled to play with it - whereas we’re a bit more subtle! I mean - if I started masturbating with my husband in bed next to me and he woke up, he’d immediately take that as an invitation to join in (any guy would I think too)
So our opportunities to masturbate are a bit more constrained, especially since it’s a little more of an involved process too! (I like the bathtub or when I’m alone in the house.)
See? Another argument for working from home… the ability to masturbate at will during the day! :lol:
nina
9nina aoki
wrote on 13 April 2008 at 10:27
Lazy Ichi,
:lol: Now why am I completely unsurprised by that??? hahaha!
So you didn’t even read the article you sent me. Nice. You dumbass!
But I would agree with you — pussy is most certainly the original killer app! :razz:
Isn’t it funny that there’s no real succession plan to the throne? What will “Buffy, Tiffany, Heather, and Mandy” do with themselves when Heff checks himself into that big grotto in the sky? Heff’s daughter runs things now - maybe she’s bi? Someone is going to have to take care of all those ladies in Heff’s stable! :lol:
nina
10Lazy Ichi
wrote on 13 April 2008 at 11:18
H-e-l-l-o. Men. Visual. Duh! ;) heh heh heh
CG or real? hmmmmm!
Playboy’s been sliding despite Christie Hefner’s best efforts. A couple of years ago, I think I read that Playboy made $45M that year. They keep buying up stuff like Vivid and Jenna Jameson’s brand, but the advent if YouPorn is putting a dent in things since it’s free and amateurs.
And they really haven’t changed their strategy, still aimed at college kids.
It’s like Hef, stayed around a little too long.
Of course if Lazy Geisha was at the helm and since you’re not running for president this year…
And don’t worry about the girls. For $10K/month (their pay for a 1 year contract for staying with Hef at the mansion) they can find jobs as mistresses, WAGS, or MAWs (models, actresses, whatever).
11Lazy Ichi
wrote on 13 April 2008 at 11:23
Btw, I’m reminded of the SNL skit a long time ago with John Belushi, Chevy Chase, and Dan Aykroyd about the killer bees and the little talk about “shining the sabre”. ;) Oh so long ago.
12Lazy Ichi
wrote on 13 April 2008 at 11:35
Ack! I forgot to include these links about Paul Raymond, the Brit equivalent of Hef, who died recently.
Paul Raymond: Self-styled ‘King of Soho’ who built a successful business empire from property and pornography and Paul Raymond heirs to clean up in Soho.
I could be a long lost heir, y’know. ;)
13nina aoki
wrote on 13 April 2008 at 12:12
Lazy Ichi,
:lol: Yes sweetie - I understand how you guys work! haha! (It’s most definitely CG!)
I think the availability of porn online has contributed to a general decline in the sale of men’s orientated magazines like Playboy - and changing attitudes I think also work against Playboy. And I think the brand itself suffers from an image problem as well.
lmao! Sorry - not interested in that job! But you know… I think I’d be able to offer them some ideas on how to re-brand themselves!
Oh I’m sure those girls will be fine — there’s always a place in the world for a dumb chick with fake tits… grrr!
A long lost heir huh? Now THAT would NOT surprise me! :lol:
Thanks for the links hon.
nina
14saratoga
wrote on 13 April 2008 at 15:21
wrong post……lol
15nina aoki
wrote on 13 April 2008 at 15:53
saratoga,
lmao! Yeah, I noticed. Must have been all that tongue-wagging! ;)
nina
16Prospero
wrote on 14 April 2008 at 13:38
This is absolutely the BEST news I’ve had all week! (We’ll ignore that I’m late to the party, that it’s now Monday, and my week hasn’t gotten all that far.) Finally a workout routine that I can get worked up about. And yes, 5 times a day would definitely mean you better have some varied techniques. Ow.
17nina aoki
wrote on 14 April 2008 at 16:28
Prospero,
:lol: Um, yeah! I think you’d want to have some lube handy too - and a band aid perhaps? I thought this was hysterical — and to quote the Mighty Mighty Bosstones –
“It’s not late… it’s early!”
Welcome to the social! :razz:
nina