In bringing my thoughts on certain topics to a logical conclusion; expressed in part here with my thoughts on crossing old bridges and continued here with my thoughts on boundaries (there’s many more relevant entries as this has been an ongoing process of personal growth for me, but those two pieces are particularly significant) — I feel that the remaining piece to the puzzle for me is found in exploring the nature of the assumptions we often form from our interactions in the digital world – often derived by the symbiotic relationship between writer and reader – yet there is really no ‘one good answer’ on how to proceed with finding a solution — but in thinking about how this topic has developed around me, I thought it best to examine some of my own assumptions and how I may have shaped some of the perceptions I’ve had to contend with – at least if there is no real solution, perhaps charting an acceptable course forward will do.

Expanding on the thoughts I shared here on boundaries; the symbiosis of writer and reader are intrinsically tied together – at least they are in this medium. A writer may always write and never share her words with another living soul, but once she does, the egg of perception is then fertilized. So - it is the ‘act’ of sharing one’s words which becomes the moment of conception for this symbiotic relationship. But does the writer truly need the reader to write? Or is there something else larger at work here – something tied closer to the human ego than the altruistic act of committing one’s own thoughts to written form.

I think to a degree the answer is both.

To writers; the ‘need’ to write is often greater than the need to breathe. There’s an inexorable personal passion which demands expression thru words – but it is the ego which then insists that those words be shared with an audience. This too speaks to the nature of blogging as a medium to accomplish this service of one’s own ego – as often complicated as those relationships become due to the opportunity of the reader to provide virtually instantaneous feedback to the writer, also discussed here – but as I consider this in a larger context – the real beauty of blogging, and that feedback the writer receives, is that quite often the end result, or final product, becomes greater than the sum of it’s parts – meaning that if the writer represents the egg waiting to be fertilized, and the reader provides the means to do that – together they’ve created something unique. An offspring is born; a shared creation of both writer and reader.

Is this way too much of a paradox? :lol:

But considering my thoughts on assumptions – even with all of this metaphorical fucking and exchange of virtual body fluids – the terms of the relationship are largely dictated by the writer. To create the perception and impression of a real person in the virtual world, it’s up to the writer to provide the reader with the appropriate context properly suited to their content.

For example: If you visit a blog and there’s a picture of a naked woman tied up with a ball gag in her mouth plastered across the top of your screen, you can safely concluded that that blog is about bdsm and you’ll very likely find applicable content – similarly, if you go to a blog and there’s a picture of horses, or fine German automobiles, or flowers – the reader can usually determine the type of content they’ll find there. These design and visual cues bloggers use to help deliver the correct perception of who and what they represent are extremely important to the reader, and the writer, if both parties are to properly understand one another. But this is by no means a universal rule either, tho it is my belief that such miscues in messaging can be responsible for unfavorable impressions and can often lead to the forming of incorrect assumptions.

I think in my case I may have created some incorrect perceptions of who I am as a person by not only how I interacted, but in how I presented myself. This is something that I’m working to refine and and in many ways redefine. A big part in accomplishing that that for me was moving my more intimate content to a private password protected area of my site as I discussed here. That decision has worked for me, but I’ve also taken it a step further — I am no longer accepting reader comments on my intimate content because I believe the very nature of one’s own sexuality is something which is better expressed by the writer without the added input from the reader.

I think I was always a little troubled and uncomfortable with some of the comments on my more erotic work and the resulting advances which would then occur as a result of that; I mean, what can the reader really say? “Wow that was hot! I jerked off to what you wrote!” — that’s hardly satisfying. I mean, sure, it’s good to know that your words had the desired effect – but I think the subculture that’s sprung up around sex blogs is ultimately damaging because it quite often encourages the writer to begin crafting content with only the reader in mind, which in my view, is a deviation from why we write in the first place.

This as well isn’t a hard and fast rule – it’s just an opinion formed from my own observations.

But in going back to these resulting contacts – what was often troubling to me is being on the receiving end of some very unwelcome advances. I mean – just because I may write about my own bisexuality and my experiences and relationships, it doesn’t mean that I’m interested in having sex with your wife. Or, if I may write about a particular fantasy, it doesn’t mean that I want to read your version of that with you included in it and me loving every minute of it either. And because I happen to be attracted to women – it doesn’t mean I want you emailing me your favorite naked picture of some strange woman’s pudenda. I needed to put an end to these things. It’s hard enough to be able to freely express one’s own sexuality without the added pressure of conforming to someone else’s expectations. But this is exactly what’s often encouraged in the subculture of sex blogs.

What I’ve also noticed is that very often in that subculture, there seems to be a tendency for the writer to derive their personal validation from the kind of responses they receive – and I’m not so sure that’s such a good thing. I think the temptation to be seduced by all the attention a good (and sometimes not so good) writer may receive can be overwhelming to many people, and to be fair, I have to include myself in that group.

Perhaps this is why I’ve felt the need for so long, close to almost 20 months now, to change directions and disassociate myself from that subculture – because that’s not really the perception I want people to have of me, and it doesn’t accurately reflect my reality either.

Tho as I continue on my path forward and as I continue to refine the perceptions I would like people to have of me… I’ve rediscovered the purest truth about myself — I write for the same reason that I breathe… because I must.