A topic which came up in my group of friends; typically when we all get together, usually on yoga night, we wind up talking about sex and relationships – tho that’s often after class when we go out for margaritas!  Since I’ve missed yoga night for the last two weeks due to my appendectomy, I’m really looking forward to going tomorrow night – however, back to the topic at hand: getting turned on.  I also belong to a women’s forum where things like this get discussed, so I thought it might be interesting to muse and ponder about my own personal turn ons today – and since I seriously need to change the subject around here, why not?

Interesting tidbit – since I self-identify as bisexual, I have turn-ons for both men and women!

Some are the same… while others… maybe not! 

What turns me on the most in anyone, male or female, is intellect.  And not just someone who is smart, but someone who is intellectually curious and diverse.  An ideal partner for me is someone who can hold their own in conversations on subjects as deep as philosophy, as academic as literature, and as timely as pop-culture.  One dimensional people (those who only know their own subjects) tend to get boring – because once you’ve talked incessantly about what they’re interested in, there’s nothing else to talk about.  People who are intellectually deep usually have interesting imaginations which more often than not extend to the bedroom too!

By far the sexiest thing in anyone to me is intellect.

Quote me Proust and then talk to me about baseball and my panties are coming off! 

So not just smart, but well rounded.

Next would have to be maturity – emotional and psychological maturity.  I consider myself to be a bit of an endearing flake, so I can handle crazy, but there needs to be an underlying maturity in how the relationship functions.  By maturity I do not mean “stuffy” or “stodgy” — I mean behaving like an adult.  Being responsible for your flakiness.  Interestingly enough, maturity has little to do with physical age.  I’ve met people who were teenagers who were more emotionally mature than people in their 40’s – so this is a bit arbitrary I admit, but it’s important to me.

The antithesis to this would be immature people who play head games with you and who can’t function in a relationship.  That’s a huge turn-off for me.

I like people who have a sense of humor too.  Being able to laugh and laugh at yourself keeps you young and it keeps your relationship interesting.  Life is much too short to be taken too seriously.  Life is about having fun and enjoying what the world has to offer.  How can any of that happen if your partner isn’t interested in fun?

On the turn off side – self centered narcissists are a huge turn off.  I’m a giver.  I will work to make every dream, fantasy, and idea you have in your head come true.  I can totally go with the flow and give you what you need, but when that becomes expected and turns into everything revolving around you and your needs, that just never works for me.  There has to be some giveback too.  And I’m not talking much either – just let me know that I’m appreciated and I’m yours forever.

(Probably why I’ve been with Jeff and Lisa for so long now too!) 

Emotional depth is a huge turn on for me.  I get off on love, and I can’t deal with people who treat love as if it were some kind of quaint distraction.  A big part of what I write about is the synergy between love and sex.  I see the two as completely intertwined and inexorably connected.  While some people can just fuck anyone and not have it matter to them who they jump into bed with – that isn’t on my regular menu and it isn’t for me in the long term either.  I need to feel that emotional connection with someone or we’re not going to last very long.

Write me a little poem expressing your undying love… and yes, the panties come off!

Physical beauty is perhaps the last thing on my list.  And while I do appreciate good looks, they’re not an absolute necessity.  I’m much more interested in the person within than their good body or pretty face.

I don’t really have a particular ‘type’ that does it for me – tho I will confess to having a weakness for Latin men!  Physical fitness is somewhat important.  I work hard to stay in shape, so some sense of physical pride is important to me in men.  And I don’t expect the body of Adonis either – but at least take care of yourself.  I like bigger guys tho who  have some muscle and meat on their bones.  Skinny guys do nothing for me.

As for women, this is much more complicated.  I’m petite, and I’ve been attracted to women who were much thicker and much more curvy than myself.  I find curves to be a bit of a turn on.  I love the feeling of flesh – especially with women.  I’m not partial to any particular hair color or much else in that vein; but I do like feminine women.  I’m a bit of a girly-girl and that’s typically what I’m attracted to.

But aside from all of this – what really does it for me are people who are comfortable in their own skin and who are unafraid of being who they really are.  I don’t have much patience for insincerity or falsehood.  I would much rather have someone be honest with me than pretend to be something or someone they aren’t just to get something from me.

And believe me… I can smell it out.  It may take me a while… but I’m always right in the end!  And lucky for me… I have all of this in the two people who make my world turn ’round: Jeff and Lisa.